This Sunday morning, I woke up unusually early. Right around 4am to be exact. My German Shepherd was happy to get up and go outside, of course. Yet, something is different. There has been an oncoming change for some time in my life and I am trying to make sense of it all. Something tells me to just let it happen, the analytic part of me attempts to find answers. This is the struggle I live with. The struggle to not say fuck it.

Things have been financially rough lately. Which is odd as I budgeted my ass off and literally scaled back on anything and everything. We can whine about inflation, which is real, but is it inflation or capitalistic greed? Hell, this could open a never-ending debate. Never mind. Living paycheck to paycheck is a mode of survival for most of the United States. Unfortunately, it is normal. Hasn’t always been this way, but in the last three to four years, I have walked a different path. Therefore, here I am.

Amidst a six-hundred-dollar electric bill, a water bill almost three hundred dollars, and rent that is average in the North Texas area, what am I doing wrong? This summer was hot, and this rented house was obviously not built to handle it, common these days, I am lost for words. Rent is due, utilities, and more. Groceries are easily two hundred a week going cheap.  I live within my means, but then again, what are means these days? Let us look…

The average median household income in my zip code is $114K, which is high. The average rent is $2000. The average home price is $475K. I am trying to make sense of this. The problem is, you go to lower income zip codes, rent and housing does not change. What is going on?

Again, this is the analyst part of me. Looking at data and trying to make sense of it all. I then get depressed. Which sucks. I am already on so many medications. Being bi-polar and whatever else they have “labeled” me; I am just tired. Tired of it all.

This is what consumes people. We worry too much about things like these and end up dead before you know it. I look for places to live that are much cheaper, research lower lifestyles, and that has become nearly impossible unless you want to really be off a damn grid. What do we do?

There is a lot we can do, but it is a very intricate solution to a simple problem. We allowed this to become this way. Citizens of the United States applaud capitalism as “this is why we are free!”, but are you? You are prisoner to a corporation and its hold on your bank account. The trillions of dollars spent in social media, Hollywood, and all other media channels showing you “how” your life should be. Some look down on those in other countries who have less but in the long run, are happier than us.

Someone is going to get irritated and state that I am anti-American. I am not, but I am not exactly the blow hard who has a pompous attitude about being American. No doubt, we are in fact founded on the principles of taking over land from natives and killing them and their culture off. A culture demonized in dime novels and crappy movies. A culture that was one with mother nature and very spiritual. Those that did become violent towards settlers, could you blame them? Our “settlers” were spreading the gospel of white Christianity. Hell, most of them just went on their own and started their own Christian-based religions. Again, I am rambling.

dK