This has become a term that fascinates me. One so simple yet so completely hard to grasp for most people. The word unconditional gets flung around like any other “hot word” of the hour. Does anyone know what the true meaning of unconditional?
un·con·di·tion·al
[ˌənkənˈdiSH(ə)n(ə)l]
ADJECTIVE
Merriam-Webster Dictionary
- not subject to any conditions: “unconditional surrender”
It comes down to the word absolute. As in having no exceptions or restrictions demanded an unconditional surrender.
This is hard for most to wrap their heads around. Trust me, I spent three decades of my life figuring this out. Three decades seems like a long time in the grand scheme of things, but it is just the years I was ignorant of bigger things around me. Taking lessons daily from dogs over the years, it dawned on me a few years ago and has only become more prevalent in my everyday world.
Think of that “friend” on your social media feed that you know exaggerating their life for all to see.
How does that make you feel?
How about when you hear of someone’s fortune that is far more impressive than yours?
When someone or even a group of people do, day, or act indifferently towards a subject other than you would?
Even when that partner, spouse, or love interest has certain conditions on your relationship.
The list could go on and on…
The basis of unconditional love is one that has been around since the dawn of human existence. It is one that we still cannot seem to grasp. Back when we were living in small bands of tribes, our existence depended on co-existence. This alone had conditions, yet it brought forth a mutual love and respect for one another. Fast forward to today, we still need this, but we our biggest roadblock is ourselves.
We must start with loving ourselves. For whom we are, what we are, and how we can make a difference.
The overall culture of identity is toxic. Especially in the United States. People so hard to be something that is unnecessary to achieve. This stems from looks, career, power, and fame. This is our demon and we let it run free. Observe a Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Tik Tok feed and you see it. Anything to get attention for the sake of what I previously mentioned. This distances ourselves from one another and leaves us in our own cocoons. Cocoons that will never develop into anything but that, an isolated world for the one who put themselves in it.
So, to say you can love unconditionally, this means to love without conditions, rules, prejudice, or needs.
Having experienced this in my first marriage when my wife of three years, at that point, stated when she married me, she figured “I would be well rich”. This was an assumption since my father owned a successful business. One in which he worked hard to obtain from nothing. Not knowing he would make me work just as hard and not want the same outcome, she assumed incorrectly. However, I made decent money, it was not to her expectation. Her condition of that love she granted.
As my upbringing taught me that unconditional love did not exist, again, I had to learn from animals. Most importantly canines.
Dogs? Really? Yes.
My family life was that of expectation, conditions, and transactional relationships. Built around and fueled by abuse and neglect, I am here now, and have left that shadow where it lays. Therapy and surrounding yourself with light blur those types of things. They will always be there, although it is up to you to determine how you handle it.
Honestly, most cannot handle loving unconditionally. It is hard. It takes letting all stigmata and preconceptions go.
In a day and age where a specific culture and ideology is pressed into willing minds, conditions are abundant.
Are you capable of unconditional love?
dK