I have asked this question to others several times in my life and have been asked this question just as many times. Why would you believe in God? A question I feel is one of the important questions people ask to try and understand or see where someone “stands.” It is not that difficult of a question and can be answered very quickly with a simple yes or no.
My defining moment of belief consisted of sitting on the edge of a bathtub, shotgun in my mouth, nothing left to live life for, no emotion about what I was doing, and a miraculous event. As I could faintly make the sound of my dog in his crate crying and screaming, knowing what I was doing. The emptiness and silence in my head started to fill with him, the sound of the television in the background, the air conditioning coming from the vent above me, and the next thing I knew, I was on the floor. Lying on my back, tears started streaming from my eyes. A warm sensation encompassed my body, and fuzzy tingles all over my skin. My heart, which moments ago did not exist but for pumping blood through my dead soul, felt a sensation I can only describe as warming love. A faint vibration surrounded my body, and I knew. This was not science. This was something I could not explain.
Being raised in a spiritually diverse environment in my immediate household, Atheism was the ideology. This was interrupted by short bursts of experiences visiting different religious places of worship with different family members and friends throughout my childhood and adolescence. So, you can understand I might have a very confused idea of spirituality.
The thing is, I always felt there was a Creator.
That got lost for some time throughout the last thirty years of my life. During this time, I was in the midst of a spiritual battle I was not winning nor fighting much against, for that matter. Not deeming myself certified or fit to call it demonic possession, I can only say that I cannot remember a large portion of this time. The things I cannot remember clearly were acts and actions that were dark, malevolent, careless, destructive, and pure hurtful to others. The chaos I lived in was “normal” to me. I vaguely remember some incidents through memories but in a weird third-person view. It is tough to explain. Most would diagnose this as mental illness, which I do agree with to an extent. All the precursors to it were abundant for it. Yet I remember encountering dark entities several times throughout my late teenage years and the last vivid memory was in my mid-thirties. Everything I was told by friends and loved ones, from actions, behaviours, habits, and much more, all were signs of demonic possession. Yet, that stuff is not real! Is it?
So, I am dismissing behavioral health as a lack of spirituality or on the demonic? Absolutely not! Even the most devout and pious suffer from behavioral health issues if not brought on by the hard-line religious beliefs they practice.
Other reasons I believe in God.
There is so much in our world that science can not explain, and they even admit it. When you look at nature, it is miraculous how it thrives and what it gives us mentally, physically, and spiritually.
The soul itself is unexplainable by scientific methods.
There is so much you can stop and think about, and there is no explanation for why it exists other than something supernatural.
Things like intelligence, emotions, the way we adapt, nature adapts, and everything in between that has no relative explanation. We could go back and forth on what science explains and does not, although I believe in science. It is part of something bigger.
We are all entitled to our beliefs. That I respect. I can sit and have a good time with an Atheist, Agnostic, and any denomination of worship. I do not encroach on others and would expect the same.
So what is God to me?
I read the Bible; I think it is a great book and a great guide written by inspired authors.
I pray and meditate daily and communicate with God. (insert the ticket to an insane asylum as some are thinking)
Do I feel the Bible is the end all, be all to God? No.
God is more significant than a book. God is life and more than just Earth.
God is not He or She. God has no pronouns or labels.
God is not something you have to join a club to be accepted into an afterlife and give 10%.
God is my guide, my conscience, my heart, my soul, and the one who provides my needs, not wants.
Many things push us away from believing in God. Trust me, I know. Some attribute everything to a higher power when it is simply decisions. Some decisions we make can be influenced spiritually, and some can not. There are things in this world that I feel God has no hand in. This is my personal feeling and one of faith alone.
What is God to you?
God is not the same as religion; remember that. Yet some use God as means of control in religion. God can be viewed as something people want to believe in, as there is no answer for what comes after death. Agreeing that the whole God/Creator factor has been perverted by many, God is simple.
“If God existed, this or this would not have happened!” is the most common retort.
With all the horrible things that happen in the world, how can a God exist? How can God allow children to die? How can God allow nature to do what it does?
God is not utopian. There is good, and there is evil.
God is love. Love for ourselves and one another. Love and respect for our gifts, such as our surroundings, planet, creatures, etc. Do we do that? Not so much. God is free and does not cost money, is not coming through an evangelist on TV or in a big church you must attend to be one with God. Fellowship is good; just be careful.
How you worship God is your choice and much too complicated to write about. If you do not, then that is fine. If you have never done so and are curious, subscribe as I will share how I pray and meditate for confirmation. No, I am not special, just will share for those interested.
So, what is God to you?
To be continued…