I am better in many ways today, but still broken in so many more.
The past I had not remembered, blocked, and locked inside, blew into me like a storm.
The pain of the destruction I created, and of the loved ones I pushed away.
Facing demons that created the darkness and the trauma that allowed my one true self to fray.
A love I cannot let go, keeps me focused forward and on the future.
Nightmares consuming me, subconscious blooming within, creating a strong and powerful suture.
Yet I find myself helpless to a past, to the memories, and to the beginnings of reconciliation.
I yearn for the love and affection; from a woman I drove into cation.
The mania in my mind has ceased, the visceral anger gone in which makes me feel free.
My mind and soul have been completely discharged, so that I may be the real me.
The feeling that the world revolves around me, is something I cannot feel any longer.
No persona to keep up with that covers for my mental illness or to fuel the dark warmonger.
As I find myself in a true state, that has been elusive throughout the years.
Sorries and apologies are just words, spoken so much before, they fall on deaf ears.
I think of the feelings I crushed, and can I repair what I have done?
Think of the boy who cried wolf, and what happened when that wolf did finally come.
Now all the time you told loved one’s words and promises, you sought no help to put these in action.
You find yourself finally telling them, ” This time is the time”, and you find their faces full of dissatisfaction.
All you can do at this point, is only what is right. Words hold little meaning; actions are the only solution.
To show the loved ones you left broken, that you are finally on the path to a healthy evolution.