Seems like anxiety can find a way to slither into every crevice of your physical and mental being. Paired up with depression, it is a phantom chain that wraps around your entire being.
Finding something to take your mind away from the fuzz is like looking for a package of toilet tissue in a grocery store late March 2020.
What helps me? Let me see, I contribute to this site as means for therapy. More lately as I am noticing it helps. Cooking keeps my spirit focused, as well as cleaning. I focus my energy and self to things that will not allow my mind to stray back to the darkness or the obvious.
That is life. I enjoy life for the most part. Although, my past changed my destination, I look decades later at a road still worthy of travel and goals. Life is a large canvas that has no end, until death.
My goals seem simple to me. I wrote them down one day on a steno pad and then looked back at them. Why are these so hard to reach? They do not require large monetary investments or anything crucial. However, they require me to let go.
Let go of what was and embrace what is. What is? The way forward.
When my wife comes to me about the bank account, bills, and lack of groceries, looking worried and defeated, I try to overtake her with a warm smile and say, ” Things will get better, I promise you!”. Who am I to promise this outcome when I have no clue what it will be?
That is just how I am wired. I keep battling something created by ourselves.
I have wanted to give up so many times. Trust me. Been to the very edge of just checking out several times in my life. Then something brings me back. I have yet to know what It is that keeps me going. Spending countless hours in a week looking for It. It may be “God”. Very doubtful, It, is the one followers of a religion base their faith on to commit violence, war, oppression, and greed. This is where religion makes no sense to me. A great literary piece, perverted.
However, I do believe in It. Whatever It may be. Having been spoken to, seeing It from time to time, and feeling touched by It. Pretty sure a psychiatrist would think a hefty dose of pharmaceutical warfare on my brain would fix me while eliminating It.
What we surround ourselves with does not necessarily determine an outcome.
Resilience determines an outcome.
An outcome that most likely leads to It.